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This Will Either Make You Laugh or Cry

Taken with permission from pushkin666

Words fail me on this one.

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in
Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).. I really hope some were in jest…

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight



( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 16th, 2009 09:35 pm (UTC)
*cracks up laughing*
Nov. 16th, 2009 09:40 pm (UTC)
I did also...then hoped it was in jest:)
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 16th, 2009 09:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, I do hope so...though I gather it may not be:)
Nov. 16th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)

Keep it in a cow! Brilliant!
Nov. 16th, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
It does make sense...mind you...the poor cow!
Nov. 16th, 2009 10:54 pm (UTC)
This was priceless! :'D

*jumps with laughter*

(Have to save this one, hehe)
Nov. 17th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
There were a few that had me laughing...:))
Nov. 17th, 2009 12:18 am (UTC)
ROTF... :) Thanks for sharing that!
Nov. 17th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC)
I'm glad it gave you a laugh, I am still hoping it is some one's idea of a joke:))
Nov. 17th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
I laughed ;)
Nov. 17th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
I am so hoping that was the intent and these aren't the real answers:))

Edited at 2009-11-17 02:57 am (UTC)
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
If they're real, it won't be the same kid having made all of them.
I have a book, where a teacher has compiled answers from students. Very funny and a bit scary at times ;)
Nov. 17th, 2009 02:55 am (UTC)
There is NO way these answers are for real, come on!

If I were his/her teacher and these answers were for real, I'd be suicidal.
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:00 am (UTC)
There is NO way these answers are for real, Lord, I really hope they aren't.

I am hoping for someone with a good imagination and a sense of humour:))
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
Oh, these had us all hysterical here.
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:42 am (UTC)
My first read had me laughing..a lot. My second had me hoping it was a joke, either that or some poor teacher must be ready to change professions:))
Nov. 17th, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
Great fun! :)
Nov. 18th, 2009 01:30 am (UTC)
It would have me tearing my hair out, if I was a teacher!!
Nov. 18th, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
I can't stop laughing! These are so great!
Nov. 18th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
Yes, they were fun to read. Poor teacher!!
Nov. 18th, 2009 04:19 pm (UTC)
hahahaaa, these are great!
kinda sad but funny ;)
Nov. 18th, 2009 06:00 pm (UTC)
kinda sad but funny exactly!! It is fun as long as it is a jest:))
Nov. 18th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
I love these! LOL!
Nov. 18th, 2009 06:02 pm (UTC)
I did have a good laugh, then hoped it wasn't one child answering all!!
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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